These days, any personal problem a person has, the first thing he does is go ahead and google it.

More often than not he doesn't even bother to think for himself first, even for 5 minutes, about a solution.

The internet in turn is flooded with self help advice, and with hundreds of gurus that are more than willing to take you under their wing and manage your life for you, for a fee.

Many newbies to the dating advice world are baffled by all the options that they can choose from.

Worse yet, a lot of advice is completely contradictory. One guru says: 'do not do this and that'. The other one says: 'do exactly that same this and that'. Both gurus are as famous and as renowned.

Which one to go along with?

Picking the wrong school of thought to follow will usually do your more damage than good.

Consider dating advice to be like a medicine the doctor gives you.

    - You need to be ill in the first place for medicine to help you. If you take medicine when you're healthy chances are you'll screw yourself up. This is basic isn't it.

    - It has to be the right medicine for your 'illness'. Again, this is as basic as it gets. Imagine having a sore throat and taking medicine for high blood pressure. To solve your sore throat. Sounds mad isn't it?

    - Now worse yet, imagine that to solve your blood pressure problem, you choose a solution of eating as much fat food as possible. Suicidal isn't it?

Now when it comes to your personal life, this common sense usually goes down the drain.

The problem lies in the fact that many times people choose a pickup guru, or a school of thought, based on their popularity and on internet reviews, rather than based on the problem that they need help with.

You need to first and foremost determine where your problem lies. What you believe makes you unsuccessful with women.


At the grand view of things, you can divide success with getting women into 4 basic components:


1. Being a great person in general, which obviously women find attractive.

This has little to do with women directly, and more to do with how your life looks like in general - being a quality guy, cool, mentally strong, etc.


2. Having a basic toolkit of useful behaviors in field, so to make things happen for real.

This is usually a few openers and stories, ability to calibrate, ability to close the deal, as well as having a good mood (aka state).


3. Being able to take most of the opportunities that are presented before you, without screwing up #1, #2 and #4.

In the bottom line this means being able to approach, repeatedly, without letting rejection affect you harshly.


4. Actually liking women and wanting them in your life.

'Duh', you say, but way too often guys don't get girls for the sole reason that they hate girls in general for one reason or another. They think they're stupid, cruel, shallow, or what not.


To have a life of abundance with women you need no more than a moderate amount of each of the above four.

Again: you do not need to excel at the above four. You just need a moderate amount of each.

But you do need all of them.

Good news for the world: the reality is that the vast majority of guys have a real problem only with #3.

That's right, the average dude is not some worthless, pathetic loser AFC chode, like some gurus would have you believe, so to make their services seem more necessary.

Fact is that if the vast majority of guys solve #3 alone, they will have more quality women than they can handle.


You may however be one of those guys that have a lack in another area. I'll give you an example of a real guy I personally know.

The guy can approach without any mental effort, anytime anywhere. Street, club, groups, mixed groups, wherever, whatever. He can easily approach any number of girls a night (or during the day), without fear and without being negatively affected by rejection.

He is also usually a happy optimistic guy, and it easily comes across (aka good mood, state). He's a fun person to be around. Also comes from a rich family, runs a successful shop in town. Life is good for him.

I would say #1, #3 and also #4 are generally covered for this guy.

However, #2 is literally non-existent for him, except for the mood/state part. His approaches are poor, he mumbles some nonsense to the girl, awkward body language, even when a girl likes him he has no ability to close the deal properly.

What would you advise for this guy? Would you advise him to take the RSD style route, being in the moment and acting silly and being in state?

No, he already has that.

Would you tell him to build a successful life?

No, it's already there.

What this guy needs is some structure.

That's right - some openers, some tactics, even some body language tips.

Oh, you might say: but natural game is da shit these days, structured game is history!

Ah, see, that's exactly the issue.

Wrong solution to the person's problem!


Let's take a different example - the over analytical guy, who has to think 2 hours and post for confirmation in 3 different forums before every move he makes.

Say he approaches a girl with a certain opener, she responds a certain way.

As soon as he gets back home he writes a 2MB long essay on the 'event' and posts it all over the web, then analyzes all the responses he gets and factors them by the number of posts the people who gave him each advice have, on each community forum.

For this guy, delving into a structured, analytical approach (e.g. Mystery Method) will be a disaster. It will amplify his obsessive attitude to new heights, and will fuck him up considerably.

This guy needs to loosen up, somewhat the opposite of the guy in the previous example.

How about a guy who has grown to hate women.

He's generally a cool guy and has some technique and good mood, but he has just grown to despise women, for one reason or another.

This guy needs someone like Zan for example to inspire him.

Identify your problem - look for the right solution. Regardless of what's trendy.

Sounds trivial suddenly - but how many guys don't do exactly that?

Now I have to say that once again, the vast majority of men have a problem with #3 - taking most of the opportunities without too much mental struggle with approach anxiety or rejection.

This means you may approach 10 girls tonight, get rejected 9 times, and yet remain hearty and positive as if nothing.

You also need to get rid of the 'this is not a normal thing to do' feeling that is connected with approaching a lot of girls.

Chances are high that this problem strikes a chord with you.

Now is the solution to approach anxiety, for example, is to have hard core direct game, go all the way right from the get go 'shock & awe apocalypse' style?

Hardly.

For this problem Gambler's stealth opening tactic for example is a much better solution.

BradP's approach anxiety drills are another good example.


If you had no external self help resources (e.g. the community), you wouldn't encounter this 'wrong medicine' problem.

Because you would think for yourself, and obviously you would think about a solution that suits your problem.

But when you look for external help you always run the risk of 'buying the wrong medicine'.

This is easily avoided if you just keep your common sense going.

Ask yourself - what is my weak point? And choose the help resource accordingly.

It can definitely be that what you need, is not what's trendy these days in the 'community'.

The trends are determined by marketing and a slew of other factors, none of which have anything to do with YOUR problem.

This is how you will maximize your profit from dating advice, and avoid taking some wrong paths that will set you back and frustrate you.


Gigi