I'm in highschool and I like this girl at school, and I find her really attractive. I never have talked to her before and I think we've been eyeing each other. I've never had the balls to go up and talk to her. She's always with her friend, has a bf, but I want to get to know her really badly. I hate having to go to bed every night thinking "Tomorrow I'm gonna do it, I'm going to talk to her" I really don't know what to say at all to her.

It's not just her there's tons of girls that I find attractive but never talked to before. I'm lower in the social ladder than her where as she's popular. I'd be so happy if I even got to know her!! Also, the reason i am in "pick up" is not to get laid, but mainly to be more social, because I think I'd be a lot happier. I want to have more friends and be able to actually talk to people including more girls. The farthest convo's go are like "how was your weekend" type talk. Fluff Talk. I want to improve my conversational skills with people. What do I talk about with people? And how do I improve?

Thanks a lot! Brian

Brian, first of all, rather than focusing on getting to know this one girl who may or may not be eyeing you and has a boyfriend, my suggestion to you is to make it your goal to be able to have interesting, fun interactions with girls in general. Obsessing over this one girl won't get you anywhere. From your question I assume that you don't just have trouble talking to this girl, you have trouble talking to any girl.

In my opinion, your entire concept of being lower or higher on the 'social ladder' needs to change. Who cares about social ladders? A girl at the 'top' of whatever ladder you're looking at is still a girl, just like one is at the 'bottom' of your ladder. Don't think of yourself as being on a ladder or competing with anyone for a higher spot – just have fun and talk to whoever you want.

A guy who is unconfident and unsure of himself will project those feelings to those around him and girls will automatically sense that he feels out of place. A guy who knows he's the bomb will be treated as the bomb.

I don't suggest using tried and tested openers ("Who lies more, men or women?", "I need your opinion – my friend wants to get a wallaby", etc.), but use them as examples of the kinds of things you can say when approaching a girl. She won't bite your head off, I promise. When getting a conversation going, you can try using a lot of open-ended questions, so instead of answering 'yes' or 'no', the girl would be in a position to elaborate. You can then pick out things that catch your attention in what she says and roll with them to continue the conversation. Just have fun with it.

One of the most memorable things at school that a guy approached me with, surprisingly, was "Hey, can we switch pencils? Mine's kind of embarrassing." He proceeded to show me his pink Barbie pencil and we had a 10 minute conversation about why he had such a thing in the first place while we should have been in our respective classrooms.

Good luck!

Do seduction techniques actually work on girls? If you were randomly approached in the street by a guy asking for your opinion about an exotic pet, would your interest really be captured? Or is it better to just come up to a woman and ask her for her name?

Also,what happens when all women become like you - when they find out all about the seduction community? Will men have to find something different to maintain their newfound success?

Your question is very generic – which seduction techniques? There are a lot of them. My most hated 'technique' has to be the Freezeout Method. My current boyfriend has tried this in the beginning of our relationship and soon learned that it just doesn't work. On me, that is. And this was before I knew what a 'freezeout' was!

If a guy approached me asking for my opinion about getting an exotic pet, my interest would be captured because I'd know him to be a PUA. If we assume that I'm someone who doesn't know about PU, then yes, my interest would probably still be captured and I'd be more eager to discuss this topic than, for example, the weather.

I have my own issues about dating PUAs and try to steer away from such situations, but I love having friends in the community. I strongly believe that when women start to learn about pickup and the seduction community, their knowledge will not be the end of all of this. Some women are against this completely and don't want to get involved with a pickup artist, and others are totally fine with it and don't mind his involvement in the community at all. I think that women learning more about the community is a good thing because they can then decide for their own what their opinions and attitudes are about the whole thing.

At the same time, different women are likely to have different opinions as to the 'good' and 'evil' sides of the seduction community. For example, in my opinion, a man studying body language and learning to better express who he is through PU is 'good'. A man manipulating women into sex with NLP and freezing them out during last minute resistance to make them feel uncomfortable just so they'd agree to take their clothes off is on the 'evil' side of things. Every woman will have her own line between the two.

Don't worry, the community isn't dying. A lot of women do appreciate that men put in the effort to improve their communication skills.

Hi there and thanks for answering, Ok, here's my question, I went to a wedding and kind of had an informal date, this is, a girl-friend asked me to attend her sister (who is divorced) because she was going alone (she's pretty hot and I liked her since I met her). Anyway I spend some time with her, we joke around and then she turns away and starts talking to her girlfriends. I try to include myself, doesn't work so I go talk to other people and this keeps going on.

I don't want to seem needy or all over her so I go and have fun, I meet another girl, a hottie, and this girl is all over me kissing me and asking me to leave with her, I don't because she's very drunk and can barely stand. I try to get rid of her and go to the first girl but I can't find her... it's getting late and when I finally find her and get rid of the second one, she's with another guy.

I approach them and try to get her away but the guy is not going anywhere so I tell them I'll leave them and have fun... she's eye balling me all the time but doesn't leave the guy. When I focus somewhere else she comes to me and implies to me if I could take her to her hotel. I clarify 'If she wants me to take her' and she then backs off and says it's ok and that its not necessary. I tell her I'll do it. We have a nice ride, I take her to her room get her phone no and she kisses me goodbye.

Now I text her and she doesn't answer I sent her a msg in facebook and still no answer. This to me seems like she's doing the cat and mouse thing and I don't know if I should call her, I don't know what's going on with her and since I really like her I don't want to blow it and become just another guy for her. help!

Honestly, there could be so many reasons for her behavior. First, how long was she divorced for? Is she still stuck up on her ex husband? If she is only recently divorced, she may be attempting to re-establish her own sexuality and confidence to herself by flirting with various men and enjoying them flirting back. Don't get me wrong, all women flirt, but she may have been consciously 'testing' who she can make interested in her. I've known many-a-girl who did this right after their long term relationships ended.

I hope that you did not sound needy in your messages. Neediness is unattractive to women. And seeing as she is a hot older woman, she is more likely to know her standards for a potential partner because of the experience that comes with age. She will be less tolerant to neediness.

Also, the attraction that you might have built at the actual event may not have been sufficient to maintain a real impact on her after the wedding. Was she pretty tipsy at the wedding? It's possible that when her head cleared the next day, she thought it was just another tipsy encounter with a guy she doesn't know or remember all that well.

I'd suggest not bugging her with incessant calls or messages day after day – you don't want to come off as clingy and desperate. Go out, meet more women, and remember the good news – you're friends with her sister. I'm sure you could work yourself into some kind of meeting with her that way. And heck, if you're good friends with her sister, you can just come out and ask what your date thought of her informal date with you. If you're close friends, she might be eager to help you out with another encounter.

You should also be aware that it's typical for girls not to want to re-establish contact with guys who 'witnessed' them doing promiscuous or 'immoral' behavior. You wrote that at the wedding she was flirting with another guy and eye-balling you at the same time, somewhat ignoring you while she was with her friends, and so on.

Now when she meets you, it reminds her of 'her bad side' and she also feels uncomfortable to hang out with someone who knows that she can be like that. It may also prove to her that you probably want her just for sex, since how could you want her for the shitty personality that she displayed to you?

When I find myself in situations like that I always take the 'now or never' approach. Maybe you could have made your 'now or never' move back at her hotel, I don't know if it was feasible for you at that time, but you should keep this in mind when a similar situation happens in the future.

Regarding the divorce issue, Carlos Xuma has written an article exactly about that in our Innergame Corner, and he seems to be in line with Lisa's opinion. So you can check that article out as well.

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