As far as getting better with women goes, or having a better personal life in general, inner game is the master key. It only makes sense - how can you have a good personal life if you're negative and miserable. It doesn't really make sense ;)
How you feel inside shines through and strongly affects all your interactions, whether you like it or not. People just have a good radar for these things, in a way it's a gift from nature - our own internal congruence detectors, to help us see who's for real and who's a scam.
Women, being the instinctual (as opposed to logical) creatures that they are, have an even stronger radar to the attitude you radiate. You can't run and you can't hide from this - and those of you who tried, by putting on a fake persona based on 'routines' and 'tactics', already found out that you need a lot more than that in order to cheat these natural congruence detectors.
Nature has simple rules that haven't changed since the dawn of time and will not change in your life time, that's for sure. Women are attracted to MEN, it doesn't get more simple than that, and it doesn't get more complicated than that either.
Many guys in the seduction community have a secret desire to find the most surefire, 100% foolproof, as consistent as humanly possible 'system' to get girls. In an attempt to do this, some have come up with tediously elaborate theories, models of behaviors and instructions for action.
Those who tried following that path know by now that the results are hardly as consistent as you imagined or wanted them to be. The fact is that the closest thing to that surefire 'system' everybody's looking for is simply to assume your role in nature's most basic game: you want WOMEN? Be a MAN.
This IS very simple, but for many guys it's not easy to do. Everybody has the alpha male inside of him, but some have lost touch with that part of themselves, due to social conditioning, past experiences, or any number of other psychological factors.
Carlos Xuma is a veteran and a well recognized dating coach who has made numerous appearances in mainstream media. He has been researching this exact path designed to have you assume back your manhood, and his specialty is making the concepts of inner game easy to apply in real life.
Most guys just run away frightened of the thought of working on their inner game, because it forces them to look within, or because they believe they'll have to use far-out hypnosis practices or eccentric NLP routines. Carlos' way of approaching the topic actually makes obtaining back your alpha-self an easy, down to earth and fun journey.
In our new Innergame Mastery corner, Carlos will be offering us some guidance and sharing with us a sample of his knowledge.
If there's one thing you need today, it's an ally - a friend who can give you the advice and tips you need to get more success with women in the shortest amount of time possible.
Each week I will provide you with videos, audio, articles, and all the resources you need to give you something that no other "guru" out there can:
Rock-solid attraction skills with women AND the secrets to living the Alpha Lifestyle.
You see, the only dating and attraction skills that really complete a man's life are the ones that are authentic and REAL to him. I teach you how to live the kind of life and create the kind of choices YOU want.
It's not just about the women - it's about a stronger and more confident YOU.
Apr 1, 2008
Hey guys.. Carlos here.
I would like to take specific situations that guys run into and drill into them, because many guys out there still don't realize that their sticking points are seated in their inner game, rather than in their choice of words they say to a girl.
By taking real life situations guys run into and expanding on them, that is where you can get your epiphanies.
Here's a question I recently received from a student:
Women in UK hate me, know it's only women here because when I went to
PickUp101 workshops in U.S. and there I didn't get the same bad reactions
that I have had before and since here. Fact that I never get anywhere with
online dating here, confirms this to be true.
Also went to workshop here and was told I shouldn't wear what I was
wearing to bars/clubs which I thought I looked good in. Then later
that night, women criticized what I was wearing, which hadn't happened
before and took it very badly.
How will I have any success with women if I have these beliefs and reactions?
Am I too old, I'm 45, to ever attract anyone now?
R.
OK get ready... it's tough-love time, mate. And I'm not doing this to make you feel bad about yourself (I really don't have that power, anyway). I'm doing this to help you break free of some bad thinking that could condemn you to a life of missed opportunity and bitterness.
Let me tell you right now that I highly doubt that women in the UK really have formed a secret group and have signed a secret agreement to hate you. While this last sentence may sound a bit ridiculous, it's every bit as ridiculous as:
"Women in the UK hate me."
The cultural differences between the US and UK continue to disappear (and this is also evidenced by more man-bashing television programming than ever).
Every time Mulder, Scully, and I go off and investigate one of these dating X-files stories, we come away with the same conclusion: You're looking for a scapegoat. Sure, it's really easy to say "Everybody hates me" because it gives you a cop-out excuse to give up and cry over your horrible fate in life.
This quick and easy answer makes it easy to quit working on yourself and get back to snoozing on the couch and telling
all the blokes down at the pub how all women in the United Kingdom hate you.
And as far as your age...
45? Too old?
BULLSHIT!
That's just another false reason to give up and then complain for the rest of your days over a warm beer how you got ripped off in the "life lottery". Ask yourself this: "Would I rather be 45 and change my ways, or wait until I'm 55? 65? 75???"
What age is going to work for you? Because first of all, you're never going to be younger than you are right now, so age is always irrelevant to the man who stops looking at the clock.
By the way, I've hung with Lance and Daniel and the crew (from Pickup 101) and I've seen how they approach things.
What probably happened as far as your good results in the U.S. had NOTHING to do with your approach, but with the quality of guys you were hanging out with. When you're around a positive and uplifting group of guys dedicated to the same cause, they'll help you get into good approaches in spite of yourself.
But when you remove that influence, it becomes very easy to fall back on the bad thinking and old faulty beliefs.
It's about the company you keep and the kind of environment you immerse yourself in.
If you read this and think I'm being harsh, that's fine. There are two reactions a guy has to strong feedback:
- Get angry, call the person an idiot, and refuse to listen to them because they didn't rub your tummy or whatever you needed to validate your faulty belief.
- Get your emotions under control, and then coldly and calmly accept that you may be operating from a faulty belief system, and you need a new perspective.
Sadly, most guys opt for #1 and never make any real improvements in their lives because they want to make their ego feel good, and it feels good to never invalidate yourself and to have someone you can call an "assh*le" because he didn't tell you what you wanted to hear.
When you use #2 - even against the most scathing and angry feedback - you come away with information you can use.
So make your choice.
About women criticizing your attire - it's THEIR problem, not yours. I don't care if you're dressed like Napoleon Dynamite. Stop handing over your emotions to a woman to decide for you. If you took it badly, it was your fault, not hers.
Now.. when you said "Fact that I never get anywhere with online dating, confirms this to be true" - I confess I
just wanted to reach over my internet connection and slap you. It doesn't confirm anything of the kind! It only confirmed what you WANTED to believe in the first place.
If you keep looking for evidence to confirm your beliefs, you'll always find it. No matter what those beliefs are! That's the effed up thing about beliefs.
In answer to your question: "How will I have any success with women if I have these beliefs and reactions?"
Answer--> You won't.
So it's time to change your beliefs and your reactions.
- "NO! Carlos! That sounds too hard! Give me a pickup line instead..."
Oh, sure I could patch-fix this sort of thing and tell you that all you need is a new "routine" or a new opener. Or it's your clothes! Yeah, that sounds good. Easy to fix that. I could then pat you on your back and send you on your merry way.
But we both know that what you really want is to free yourself from some of these limiting beliefs and behaviors that have you trapped.
And it's not just impacting your life with women, either, is it? When you are having a difficult time with women, it can kill your success in almost every other area of life.
What if you could fix some of this inner game stuff now, and make yourself a better man - from the inside out?
That's what I'm going to show you, man. Step by step.
Welcome aboard...
Let's move on to another student question:
Hey Carlos,
I have a situation that I want to run by you. I have just started your
CD's on Secrets of the Alpha Man. First of all these have been very
helpful and have opened up a lot of different avenues to me. Thank you!
Ok here is my situation-I work with a very beautiful woman who has
just broken up with her husband. I have to admit that I was using the
Beta Male method of trying to be funny and trying to prove my worth to
her you know the whole infatuation crap. She only told me and her best
friend that she and her husband were separating.
My question is this-Since she has just started the divorce process,
what possibility do I have of winning her over? How do I overcome
what I have done as a beta in the past. How do I prove that I am the
first best choice she can have once she's back into the dating world?
Thanks
Chad H.
Okay, I'm going to give you some reality pointers here that are going to be much more valuable to you than just plain help with getting the girl.
First of all, any woman fresh out of a divorce is usually in a whirlwind spiral of confusion and disillusion.
Meaning that when a woman gets out of a relationship in which she felt like she wasn't getting what she wanted, she's not going to be in a rush to lock herself into another losing investment. And right now, ALL relationships probably look that way for her.
This woman cannot be anything for you but a fling. A little fun.
Which means you win her over by NOT trying to win her over. She doesn't want another guy to burden her down.
I'm also going to give you the traditional warning about dipping your pen in the company ink. If you're going after a woman at work, always make sure that:
- You don't work for her in any way.
- She doesn't work for you in any way.
- Your corporate culture doesn't condemn this activity.
- You would still enjoy your job if this woman were to break it off
with you and things went bad.
Because I'll tell you right here and now, no matter what you think at this point, you have NO WAY of knowing how she will behave if your fling doesn't work out. If men could detect the 'psycho' or 'stalker' thing up front, we'd have written books about it by now.
Oh, and also remember that NOTHING should interfere with your enjoyment of your career and its potential to provide you with your needed income. ANYTHING that threatens that is to be scrutinized and observed with skepticism.
Ever seen a movie about a crazy relationship gone bad, like "Fatal Attraction" or "Basic Instinct", and told yourself, 'Man! I'll never do that!'?
Oh, you betcha you have.
Look, I've said this before, and I'll say it again until the end of time - There are a million gazillion women out there. So why do we get fixated on the ones we work with and the ones in crisis (divorce) that have the most potential to wreck our lives?
For the same simple reason that Jodie Foster figured out in "Silence of the Lambs": We covet that which we see every day.
The allure of a beautiful woman can be thought of as a small infection in your mind. It's up to you to put up the resistance of your mental immune system to keep yourself from wigging out over her.
Always remember: She's JUST a woman!
We men put far too much value on beauty. And we over-value beauty and believe that the woman inside must be just as valuable, which is a costly and fatal error.
Also, remember the following, because it's something I've learned over YEARS of experience with this kind of women: There is no such thing as a no-fault divorce.
In other words, BOTH people have made some serious errors along the way to get to this point. It's never just "his fault".
Okay, now that I've got that out of the way, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you are smart enough to avoid taking bad turns with this woman, but you're still going to try and get her. So let me give you a few tips about her situation.
The reality is that this woman will be in a highly vulnerable state after her marriage is ending, so you must tread carefully. She's also likely to fall into a rebound relationship. I've had more than my fair share of those, so I'll tell you right now.. they suck.
Since she's just getting out of a relationship, her behavior will be very unpredictable as she starts to deal with her own inner game issues. She'll be flaky, aloof, sometimes clingy, sometimes cold and distant.
She's got a lot of inner stuff to sort out, whether she realizes it or not. She might play head games with you, don't let it get to you.
Simply offer her the opportunity to meet you for drinks or something fun and active. You can tell her, "You know, I realize you're probably going through a difficult time, and you probably need to get out and just have some fun.. right?"
Don't offer to be her ear to vent into, or her shoulder to cry on. Don't be her "emotional tampon". She may not
intentionally use you this way, but some guys just let themselves be a throwaway and simply bring it on themselves.
To be the Alpha Man, you just need to be very consistent with your attention and interest, but don't try to be Mr. Instant Always There Boyfriend.
Get her out and having FUN. That's 90% of her emotional release at this point. Think: FUN - FUN - FUN!
The next step is to drop any pretense and don't make her feel like she's your exclusive interest. You're just a good-time guy that she can cut loose with.
You need to protect yourself by other women, too. And preferably not ones you work with, either. You need your own emotional buffer against her uncertain tides of emotions and conflict.
This is probably the most important step of all. Without a big dose of healthy self-interest and protection, you're too likely to get tossed out to sea, my friend, since you're walking into the danger zone to begin with.
Remember that people work on 'evidence theory'. We form an opinion and perception of a person based on tiny clues they give us from their behavior. We don't care that much about what people say, we only care about what we see them DO.
If you've been a beta before, you better man-up and get your game face on. Your job is not to be an Alpha Man just to get a woman. You work at being an Alpha Man because it's the only acceptable path for any man to pursue for HIMSELF.
Women come second in your life, if that. Your own drives and purpose override all sexual conquests, because that is the stuff that will ultimately attract and keep a woman.
I've seen too many guys go down the foolish path of getting their game on to get a woman, and then they abandon all their masculinity when they get into a relationship so they can supposedly relax and coast for the rest of their lives.
And these guys end up being the kind of husband that your woman is divorcing. So don't fall into that trap.
Good luck, and stay Alpha!
Carlos Xuma
